A Three Months May Save A Life

by Vadim Arefiev and Jeni Olin

A newcomer at St. John Give Hope, Brother E. had already done something incredibly difficult. He came in from the street. He completed detox. He completed 28 days of inpatient rehabilitation. And then he came to St. John Give Hope, where recovery can continue for up to a year in a supportive, open-door environment.

But there is one important rule at the beginning: For the first three months, don't rush back to work. Don't rush to rebuild your career. Don't rush to prove that you are strong. Don't rush to show everyone that your life is already back under control. For three months, your job is recovery.

Brother E. became frustrated with that rule. He wanted to leave, start working immediately, and live according to his own rules. And that made us think about something much bigger than one man. Sometimes "tough love" comes from every direction at once. The doctor tells you that your body is in danger. The weather outside becomes colder. Relationships begin falling apart. The streets become dangerous. People who love you tell you things you don't want to hear. And sometimes even life itself seems to be saying: Stop. You are not ready yet.

The First Step of AA begins with admitting that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. That word powerless matters. Addiction isn't simply a bad habit that disappears because we make a strong decision one morning. It is a disease. And one of its cruelest features is that the person suffering from it may believe, once again: "I've got this. I'm in control." But recovery begins when we stop trying to control everything ourselves.

God gives us free will. No recovery house, friend, priest, doctor, counselor, or family member can force another human being to recover. We can love someone. We can feed him. We can give him a bed. We can take him to detox. We can drive him to treatment. We can pray for him. We can walk beside him. But eventually he has to choose the road himself.

Jeni expressed another beautiful thought: perhaps recovery is not only about constantly staring at the disease and fighting it.

Sometimes we need to turn toward something instead. In the Christian tradition, metanoia means a profound turning — a change of mind and heart. Instead of spending every ounce of strength shouting, "I will defeat the darkness,"

turn toward the Light.

Turn toward Christ.

Turn toward prayer.

Turn toward your brothers.

Turn toward service.

Turn toward the people who still need you.

Turn toward the person God created you to become.

The disease may still be behind you. Keep walking forward anyway. That is why three months matter. Three months without chasing money or work is not wasted time. It may be the most important work you ever do.

Learn how to wake up sober.

Learn how to pray sober.

Learn how to be angry sober.

Learn how to be disappointed sober.

Learn how to serve another human being sober.

Learn how to live an ordinary Tuesday sober.

And slowly, become moored — like a ship secured in a storm — to recovery, to community, to your brothers, and to God.

There will be plenty of time to find a job.

There will be time to make money.

There will be time to rebuild everything that was lost.

But first, brother: Stay alive. Stay sober.

Stay with us. Give yourself three months.

You have the rest of your life to work.

— Jeni & Vadim, St. John Give Hope.