My name is Adyan, and I am from Kalmykia, Russia. I lived most of my life in atheism, although there was religious life around me, but not Christian: our family's religion is Buddhism. But by God's will I lived here for eight months among Christian villagers, and it turned my life upside down.
Did I feel anything during those eight months? - I just believed it was real, that's all! And that feeling of faith. I can't explain it. - People do not immediately grasp that in every Divine Service, in every Sacrament, this external theatrical part that we observe is actually secondary. It is an entourage. What is primary is something else - the invisible. The priest comes out and says, “Peace be with all!” - the chalice is lifted. If only we realized what is behind these actions, if only we had the spiritual sight, like the Holy Fathers, like St Sergius of Radonezh, St John of Kronstadt, or St. John of Shanghai who came to incredible delight during the Liturgy.
He would directly stop the priests with whom he was serving and literally shout: “Christ is in our midst, alive, active!”. Priests would come from all over to perform the Liturgy with him.... He could grab the hand of any one of them and rejoice like a child who saw the Heavens for the first time!
And the priests lived it. Every sacrament was perceived so vividly, as children, as a miracle that took place before their eyes. This Saint was truly reborn in Christ! No doubt he had the gift of spiritual vision. We try to grasp with our intellect what is behind the external actions, but the soul sees everything by feeling it in some way.
I have already shared my personal experience - the first time I crossed the threshold of the altar.The Cherubic Chant was the most revelatory for me.The priest let me into the altar and said, “Stay in the corner and pray, so as not to disturb anyone.Father George (Kallaur), the founder of the Church of the Holy New Martyrs, deacon Alexander (Bochagov), who is now rector of the Church of the Holy Fathers on 153rd Street in Manhattan, and one servant served.In the rostrum altar no one touches anyone, and I stand in a corner. At some point the royal gates open, the choir sings, and suddenly I feel like I'm in the Moscow subway at rush hour. I'm being squeezed on all sides by bodies, I don't know what is going on. I was in such a panic! And this feeling of the Moscow subway lasted until the end of the Liturgy. The Liturgy ended, and suddenly, as if at a certain stop, everyone got off. I looked at the bishop, he was finishing the Liturgy and could not stand on his feet. He poured all of himself into this Liturgy. He takes a few steps to the chair and suddenly collapses on the chair. He can't move his arm. I approached him:
- Father, forgive me, but what was it I felt? What was it? The feeling of the Moscow subway! And he, tired, waved his hand and said: When the choir sang “The Cherubim”. How do you know it was at that time? I didn't tell you that! At that moment, the angelic forces enter the altar.
I was so frightened, my hair stood on end. I was thrown out of the altar, I ran out and said to myself: - “Lord, I'll never go in there again! Never in my life will I go into this terrible place: I will be burned to death there! I could feel them with my shoulders. The next time I was in the altar, I felt nothing of the kind. The Lord showed me once, a man of little faith, how real it all was. From my memories of our everyday life, I can testify how that even a simple sprinkling of Holy water in the alleyways has an effect on the guys affected by demonic addiction.
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